Me: Alright, I have a fun story. So, this summer I was working at summer school.
Student: And you had a boyfriend, he left you and you cried.
Me: Um... no. Anyway I was down the hill outside the building and waiting for another teacher to come eat lunch. And that's where the young kids go to school in the summer. So they all came out for a recess and...
Student: I know this story, THEN your boyfriend came over and broke up with you and you ran away. he left you.
Me: Again, no. Anyway, the young kids surrounded me and tried to ask me all these ridiculous questions like, "Who are you? What's your name? Why are you here? Do you like cows? Why do you have a computer?" all at once. I couldn't even answer they were asking so many. All of a sudden a silence comes over the crowd, they stare at me and a girl reaches out her hand and pets my head.
Student 2: That's awkward.
Student 1 reaches out and pets my head
Me: Personal space! That was not an open invitation!!!!
Student: It wasn't? Sorry!
Student 2: That WAS awkward.
Having your personal space invaded at work? Surprisingly not as fun as it sounds.
Student: {singing} Won't stop shaking up what I can, I serve it up in a shot, so suck it down like a man {giggles} So baby yes I know what I am and no I don't give a ..And you'll be loving it
Student proceeds to continue dancing....
Student: {singing -- now yelling} Someday I'm a super bitch!!!!! up to my old tricks!!!
I give the hairy eye ball as this student is not old enough to be saying such things.
Student: HOLY SHIT! I SWORE. OH MY GOD! I DID IT AGAIN! Sorry!!!... Someday I'm a super...........BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
"You are the puzzle GOD!"
God is a deep term. It is reserved for those who have powers far beyond what an typical human can do. For instance, Britney Spears is God to epic failure, Ludacris is God to success in the music industry, Ellen and Oprah are Gods to women, and I am to teaching... clearly.
Now I admit, I am quite the whiz at puzzles. I can do most Sudoku/Kenken/Math puzzles in mere minutes and will persist until I'm finished. I'm good at what I do and I have a great mind for these kind of things. I'm not full of myself, just truthful. My kids somehow think that I'm some kind of genius at creating the puzzles though. My kids started asking for more Kenken puzzles (For reference: Click here) for their free time activities. You're right, nerdiness breeds nerdiness. I being the nerdiness, supply the nerdiness for my kids. Through much training and guidance, more nerds are born. Either way, finding Kenken puzzles in a large abundance is rather difficult, so I started to create my own puzzles. It's actually more fun and satisfying for me to create the puzzles. If not for the sheer compliments on how amazing they are, but because if I create the puzzles the kids are more likely to complete them. Either way, the kids called me a puzzle God. As intimidating the title may be, it certainly makes me feel great about myself. BOW TO ME YOU INFIDELS! Fill in all the 5's!
I suppose part of my God title comes from the fact that I have solely convinced 6 of my students to take on math puzzles on their free time. I will repeat that. They complete and take on MATH puzzles on their FREE TIME. Don't get me wrong, being a coach for two sports, I encourage physical activity, but I have gotten the kids to do brainy activities during TV. It's super bad -- the good 12 year old type of "bad"... aka bad ass. What nerds.
Kids are fascinating beasts. Their short term memory, still developing, lacks the proper retaining capabilities to remember ANYTHING other than PS3 or Xbox codes. More over, things outside the children's realm of understanding is either 1) blasphemy -- there is no possible way that it is reality, as it has never occurred to them. If you weren't quite sure of it yet, children are, in fact, the center of the universe. Any and all passes of information and experiences must go through them, else suffer their wrath. 2) incomprehensible - it just does not make sense. For example, a student whom I coach in basketball and hockey passed me in the hallway as I was heading toward my "other" classroom in the language annex -- don't get me started. He paused, stared at me, looked at the floor, and then finally back to me. Thinking quite hard before asking he started,
Student: Um, don't you teach over there?
Me, in the hurry I was was not in a place to give a long-winded explaination.
Me: Yes, but not now.
Student: So, uh... where ya goin?
At this point, the student started to follow me, joy! I love having no transition time! I should talk to the administration about allowing time between classes for teachers to have useless conversations in the hallways with their eager-minded students. I'll get on it. Now, back to the part where I start walking faster, hoping he'll decide that despite his initial impression, I am not actually worth it.
Me: I have to go teach.
Student: Wait... you have two classes?
Me: Yes, I have two classes
Student: Woa, two classes? Why...?
Me: Science is in my room?
Student: You teach science? You're talented!
Me: No... I teach math, downstairs. Someone else is in my room.
Student: But you have two classrooms, that makes you special.
If onlyhaving two classrooms made me special rather than the freshmeat of the math department. Well, I take that back, most math teachers are forced to move about the school. Either way, it does not make me "special." I am special, but not because I get to switch rooms by traveling down two flights and then back up for the next period all in a row. I mean, with my adbundant time that I have, I'm barely ready in my own classroom let alone the move. If only I had that time to chat uselessly in the hallways, it's really cramping my style.
On another note, I got hit in the face today while coaching. I successfully can confuse 6th grade girls both in math and on the basketball court. Somehow I managed to make a simple task more difficult by point to the direction in which they were supposed to pass. Apparently, if someone wants to pass to the left and I point right... they throw in the middle. I mean, speaking physics, if the wants are equal but opposite "reactions" or impulses occur, then naturally, by law, the ball ends up in my face. The next reaction, also due to Newton's law of motion, the funniness that came from the other girls hit a wall when the opposite reaction of horror came from the girl's face.
Girl: Holy... Oh my... are you okay?!
Me: Yeah, I'm fine. Pass that way.
Girl: I, I ...I didn't mean to!
Me: I'm fine, keep going.
Girl 2: She's not even bleeding, I would be bleeding.
Girl 3: That's cause you aren't as cool.
Basketballs start flying.
Me: GIRLS. No one is as cool as I am, let's get better at basketball... by not throwing it in my face.
Girl: Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.
Me: Just know that if you want to go left and I point right it does not equal throwing it in my face, hahah.
Girl picks up ball, chucks it to girl she was supposed to hard, trying to hide the embarrassment.
Girl 2: Don't throw it in my face either!
Me: Well, maybe you should use your hands and catch it.
Girl 2: Hey, hey... just cause I suck at sports doesn't mean you can make fun of me for anything other than my math abilities.
Me: GO!
Girl gets confused and trips a bit. Misses net completely.
Now I admit, I am quite the whiz at puzzles. I can do most Sudoku/Kenken/Math puzzles in mere minutes and will persist until I'm finished. I'm good at what I do and I have a great mind for these kind of things. I'm not full of myself, just truthful. My kids somehow think that I'm some kind of genius at creating the puzzles though. My kids started asking for more Kenken puzzles (For reference: Click here) for their free time activities. You're right, nerdiness breeds nerdiness. I being the nerdiness, supply the nerdiness for my kids. Through much training and guidance, more nerds are born. Either way, finding Kenken puzzles in a large abundance is rather difficult, so I started to create my own puzzles. It's actually more fun and satisfying for me to create the puzzles. If not for the sheer compliments on how amazing they are, but because if I create the puzzles the kids are more likely to complete them. Either way, the kids called me a puzzle God. As intimidating the title may be, it certainly makes me feel great about myself. BOW TO ME YOU INFIDELS! Fill in all the 5's!
I suppose part of my God title comes from the fact that I have solely convinced 6 of my students to take on math puzzles on their free time. I will repeat that. They complete and take on MATH puzzles on their FREE TIME. Don't get me wrong, being a coach for two sports, I encourage physical activity, but I have gotten the kids to do brainy activities during TV. It's super bad -- the good 12 year old type of "bad"... aka bad ass. What nerds.
Kids are fascinating beasts. Their short term memory, still developing, lacks the proper retaining capabilities to remember ANYTHING other than PS3 or Xbox codes. More over, things outside the children's realm of understanding is either 1) blasphemy -- there is no possible way that it is reality, as it has never occurred to them. If you weren't quite sure of it yet, children are, in fact, the center of the universe. Any and all passes of information and experiences must go through them, else suffer their wrath. 2) incomprehensible - it just does not make sense. For example, a student whom I coach in basketball and hockey passed me in the hallway as I was heading toward my "other" classroom in the language annex -- don't get me started. He paused, stared at me, looked at the floor, and then finally back to me. Thinking quite hard before asking he started,
Student: Um, don't you teach over there?
Me, in the hurry I was was not in a place to give a long-winded explaination.
Me: Yes, but not now.
Student: So, uh... where ya goin?
At this point, the student started to follow me, joy! I love having no transition time! I should talk to the administration about allowing time between classes for teachers to have useless conversations in the hallways with their eager-minded students. I'll get on it. Now, back to the part where I start walking faster, hoping he'll decide that despite his initial impression, I am not actually worth it.
Me: I have to go teach.
Student: Wait... you have two classes?
Me: Yes, I have two classes
Student: Woa, two classes? Why...?
Me: Science is in my room?
Student: You teach science? You're talented!
Me: No... I teach math, downstairs. Someone else is in my room.
Student: But you have two classrooms, that makes you special.
If onlyhaving two classrooms made me special rather than the freshmeat of the math department. Well, I take that back, most math teachers are forced to move about the school. Either way, it does not make me "special." I am special, but not because I get to switch rooms by traveling down two flights and then back up for the next period all in a row. I mean, with my adbundant time that I have, I'm barely ready in my own classroom let alone the move. If only I had that time to chat uselessly in the hallways, it's really cramping my style.
On another note, I got hit in the face today while coaching. I successfully can confuse 6th grade girls both in math and on the basketball court. Somehow I managed to make a simple task more difficult by point to the direction in which they were supposed to pass. Apparently, if someone wants to pass to the left and I point right... they throw in the middle. I mean, speaking physics, if the wants are equal but opposite "reactions" or impulses occur, then naturally, by law, the ball ends up in my face. The next reaction, also due to Newton's law of motion, the funniness that came from the other girls hit a wall when the opposite reaction of horror came from the girl's face.
Girl: Holy... Oh my... are you okay?!
Me: Yeah, I'm fine. Pass that way.
Girl: I, I ...I didn't mean to!
Me: I'm fine, keep going.
Girl 2: She's not even bleeding, I would be bleeding.
Girl 3: That's cause you aren't as cool.
Basketballs start flying.
Me: GIRLS. No one is as cool as I am, let's get better at basketball... by not throwing it in my face.
Girl: Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.
Me: Just know that if you want to go left and I point right it does not equal throwing it in my face, hahah.
Girl picks up ball, chucks it to girl she was supposed to hard, trying to hide the embarrassment.
Girl 2: Don't throw it in my face either!
Me: Well, maybe you should use your hands and catch it.
Girl 2: Hey, hey... just cause I suck at sports doesn't mean you can make fun of me for anything other than my math abilities.
Me: GO!
Girl gets confused and trips a bit. Misses net completely.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The day after Thanksgiving break (2-day update)
It's mildly entertaining how the day after Thanksgiving break teachers and students alike begin counting down until Christmas break. It's 18 days. Yeah, I'm counting. The feeling in the air that surrounds classrooms at this time of year is very unsatisfying. Students are tired. We're tired. The economy is tired. Let's not talk about the economy, as my kids would say, and just buy a house in the Bahamas with the wife and kids. I totally agree. Wait, my students have kids? But I digress.
The kids are weary and sleepy today. It's an eerie feeling they emit. They're sleepy drones With sleepiness, however, comes great humor. With great humor, comes good posting opportunities. Here we go:
Me: Please stop waving outside
Student: But there are kids outside I'm saying hi to
Me: You're much older and cooler than them, don't waste your time.
Student: I'm not cooler or older, my mom says I'm like five.
Me: You could be cooler.
Student: But I don't want to. I like being a loser.
Me: Come on, you're not a loser.
Student #2: No, seriously, he's a loser.
Student: I'm not a loser!!
Me: Boys!
Student: Teacher says I'm not a loser.
And who could forget how we all feel, "Seriously, I hate Mondays. back to the grind. I should get a jewel for every time that I show up to school on Mondays. Could you arrange that?"
No, I cannot. I wish I could, however.
I also have a bad habit on Mondays of getting kids off task. As ADD as they are, I'm ten times worse. Mostly due to the proverbial athletic hangover from the night before which results in lack of sleep. Basically, it's hard to get anything done of Fridays and Mondays due to lack of motivation from all parties involved, except the DOE who is also all up in my grill. Look, I got us off topic again!
Me: Sorry that was my fault got you off-topic.
Student: Yes, yes it was your fault. Bad teacher.
I'm a baaaaaad teacher.
My students ended today with my own lovely blog title, which made me smile. I told the students a problem was impossible and laughed evilly, per usual. My student turned to me without missing a beat and said, "Everything is impossible, until someone does it." At which point I was in the realm between, "yayyy my kids think like me" and, "Oh crap! They read my blog" Then I thought, my kids can't read. Just kidding they can read, just not large undecodeable words :)
Student: Girls are mean they stink.
Student 2: Shhh, the teacher is right there.
Student: She's not a girl... she's a WOMANNNN (imagine a 11 year old boy saying this with such bravado, emphasis, and of course... a manly manly voice.
Student 2: super woman?!!?
Student: Absolutely, super teacher woman, face.
Me: Face?
Student: SUPER SONIC HEARING! ABORT!!!! *Student flees the room*
Clearly, I scare children with my super badness. I should get a math cape with all sorts of cool math symbols on it and act cooler and smarter than I really am. Tomorrow comes more updates, as I'm now not only a math teacher but the coach of a less than talented girls' basketball team. I look forward to it.
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