C'mon, you don't know your schedule?

Highlights of my days are twofold. One, I enjoy the learning that ensues, as most nerdy teachers do. In fact, I love when kids get excited and into math and don't actually consider it a boring, futile, mundane task. Two, my life is bettered and comforted by the statements my students produce -- usually off-topic, funny, and awesome. Consequently the inside jokes and varying levels of understanding of such musings also heighten my day -- i.e. by caused confusion and/or understand of said topic. Teaching middle school is great, because only some understand certain humor and others are innocently clueless -- making the situation funnier.

Today, was a day in which both scenarios were filled. My students were filled with intrigue, insight, and a urge for learning all that they could -- and it was 3 days before break. Trust me, in a special ed. school this isn't a typical day. Usually, on Mondays of a typical week I am struggling to focus my ever struggling students.... because let's face it, school is hard, especially for them making it a Monday makes it even worse.

We started by using an interactive math program on the computer, during which, most of my students chit chat because they have a short attention span -- plus, they can't talk for the majority of the day so it's a nice break for them. The boys were at the boys table, the girls at theirs, since apparently we're no longer limited to separations during middle school dances. Consequently, I get to witness this phenomena in my classroom. In fact, the boys refuse to sit with the girls and whine if they're seated at the same table and I don't allow them to move -- which I eventually allow them to do. The girls were chatting about girl things, the boys dissing and laughing at the girls when they can and talking about, "man things." Yes, they call them "man topics." It's actually quite amusing, as I would not consider most of them man topics, other than the mere fact that they're all at one table, which happens to be all boys. Most of the "man topics" (say with a certain bravado) include your usual 6th grade speak about "throwing leaves" or "who is smarter" or "the newest computer game" or "my name is NOW Jim!" etc. Which by all means is not limited to boys.

The boys today were discussing classes and which were going to coming next. The girls, were silently working away. One boy was saying that after math he wasn't sure what he had. There were only 2 periods left, yet the student was providing 3 options; history, tutoring, or language.... he just wasn't sure. I wasn't the only one to pick up on the situation. By which time, hilarity ensued:

Boy: I could have history or language... OR TUTORING. OH MY GOD, too many possibilities!
Boy #2: Dude, there are only 2 classes left, you shouldn't have three options
Boy: Oh, I guess it's history or tutoring. No wait, I think I had tutoring. I'm not sure!
Boy #3: Did you look at your schedule?
Boy: I don't need my schedule!
Boy #2: Obviously you do! I mean, come on, can't you get your periods straight? Periods should be important to you! That's why they give you a schedule of your periods, so you know what's coming next and when. Seriously, get your periods straight, I know mine.
Girl sitting next to me: {Giggles uncontrollably}
Boy: Oh stop it, do you know your periods?!
Girl: {Laughing to the point of tears} Um, yea I do, but there's a good reason you don't
Boy: What?
Me: Ahem, {girl's name} quit it there, those things are best kept a) out of class and b) not to boys
Girl: {wiping away tears} Okay, okay.
Boy: What's so funny? What happened?!
Boy 2: Trust me, you don't want to know.
Boy: But now I do want to know.
Boy 2: No, dude, it's like a girl secret. You know ladies, they have weird secrets that aren't made for boys. Trust me, I know what they're talking about... you wouldn't want to know.'
Boy: Ms. Teacher, do you know what it means?
Girl: {bursting out in laughter} Yeah, she knows.
Boy: Girls have too many secrets.


As for us ladies, watch out boys, for our dirty secrets that our not meant for boys ears. I love how children take an innocent comment and turn it into a funny. And just because they have knowledge of something slightly more mature and apparently more secretive it makes it that much more funny. Again, I love kids and my job.

During lunch another funny thing occurred. This time, one of my former students came in to use my microwave and get hot water from the hot water bubbler. It's interesting that kids think that if they want something they MUST butter up the teacher they're asking. This student, in particular, came in to me and started off with saying

Kid: Hi Ms. Teacher, how are you? I was thinking, since you are a math teacher, and math is AWESOME, that you might be willing to allow me to fill my cup of soup up with hot water in the teacher's lounge. Is that possible? I mean, you'd make an accurate filling. Just to the line and all. I only trust you.
Me: Am I the only one available on the floor to help you?
Kid: Uh, well, I mean. I wanted to say hi. Yes, you are.

So I filled the cup of soup, naturally, because I like hearing wonderful comments about how accurately I can fill cups with water. It's a daunting task, really, and no one appreciates me for my precision. I take 'em where I can get 'em. After receiving my praise he followed me back to my room where I was playing music, because I do, afterall, listen to music. oddly enough the student was just as surprised as I'm sure all of you are. As soon as the student walked in, this is what went down:

Student: ms. Teacher, what are you doing?
Me: This is music.
Student: Yes, I hear that, but what is it?
Me: Jason Mraz. Geek in the pink.
Student: The title sounds boring. It sounds stupid already.
Me: Would you prefer Pitbull or Kayne, my friend?
Student: You listen to real music? i mean, Kayne is my homie.
Me: Yes, teachers listen to music other than math raps.
Student: Wait, math raps?! Did you make them?
Me: No. I didn't.
Student: Are you sure? I could totally see you doing that.


Dj Ms. Teacher album dropping May 2009. Watch out.

Tracks:

1. Dividing fractions like I divided your mom
2. Stealing cash then dividing it evenly.
3. But I only wanted a fifth!
4. Pi is fun, but lets square that bitch.
5. The quadratic formula is for fools,
6. Trig my car.
7. Estimate the weight of your mom, but don't tell her.
8. Daddy hit me 6 squared times, and he's still there.
9. Your ears are like exponents for your head
10. Algebra is like an underwater bra for math.

AND MORE!